Communication Lessons Learned From Coaching 10-Year Olds

A few reminders on the importance of connecting with and understanding others.

Roberto Johnson
8 min readFeb 22, 2020
Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

One of my favorite things I do is coaching youth baseball. Today our team had its first practice of the spring. It was the first time I had seen some of the kids since mid-December when we finished up our fall season. I started coaching with my current organization in the summer of 2018 and have had many of the same kids on my team throughout this entire period, so by now we know each other pretty well. They know how to get on my nerves and I know how to get on theirs. Being responsible for 12 boys can be a daunting challenge. It’s also wildly entertaining and keeps you on your toes at all times. I enjoy spending time with them and getting to play a small role in shaping their perception of the world through sports.

I love my coaching job for many reasons. It’s brought me back to the game I fell in love with as a kid and played growing up. By practicing and playing games a few times a week, it’s also helped keep me active. Above all, what I enjoy most about it are the relationships I’ve formed with the kids on my team. Interacting and engaging with kids has not only taught me about children and their nature as they grow up, but it has also taught me a lot about communication and how people interact with each other, both from an observational standpoint and on an interpersonal level.

Today’s practice reminded me of a few valuable lessons I’ve come to gain a better understanding of when it comes to communicating with other people. Here are some thoughts on some of those realizations.

Everybody Has Their Language

Each person sees, hears and interprets things in a way that is unique to them. I have 12 kids on my team, which means 12 different personalities and 12 different personal backgrounds. No two kids on my team are the same and it’s taken time for me to understand and get better at communicating with each of them because they all have their own language.

Some of my players respond well to verbal instruction. They take feedback and apply it the best way they know how by using their instincts and imagination. In other cases, some players learn better when instructions are given to them and then demonstrated visually and physically. Each has their own communication style — for me, trying to learn how to operate within and improve at each of these styles has been a fun challenge. The funny part is, this principle applies to adults in the same way.

In the workplace, we inevitably have to work alongside people who are completely different from us and who communicate in very different ways. Say you have two employees with opposite personalities and communication styles who have to work together on a project. One employee is very prompt, diligent, and organized — they like short meetings, clear agendas, and take detailed notes. They have an aggressive communication style and like to converse in a direct and to-the-point manner — no BS, straight to the point. The other employee is very laid back, relaxed, and has a more “go with the flow” style when it comes to getting things done. They work intuitively, are patient, and approach their work with a more loose and abstract way of thinking. They adopt more of a submissive communication style when it comes to collaborating with others.

Together, these two employees are hardly a match. But the job at hand requires them to put aside their differences and work together to find a solution. To communicate effectively, they will have to compromise their styles of communication in some capacity and find a middle ground to work from. Employee A prefers to be organized and stick to a plan, but they may have to be willing to deviate and work a different pace to succeed. Employee B isn’t keen on agendas and being pressured, but they may have to be more organized than usual to maximize the new working relationship.

Everybody has their methods of communicating. Some people are blunt and to the point, others are lax and hard to read. Adapting to different communication styles is a tough skill to learn but it is every bit worthwhile to make the effort to learn different “languages” so you can best serve others.

Be Yourself

When I first started coaching, I was excited to take all the things I had learned during my playing career and pass them on to other people. Throughout my life, I was fortunate to have played with and learned from a lot of great coaches and teammates, so heading into the job, I was confident my knowledge and experience would help me be prepared to handle what was ahead. Still, when you’re embarking on something new, especially a position of leadership, it takes a while to find your voice. The first few weeks into my new gig, I spent a lot of time thinking about how I wanted to be perceived. Eventually, I realized the best thing I could do was to be myself.

Kids are extremely smart and perceptive. They are innocent and highly impressionable, but they have extraordinary imaginations and pick up on things in ways that are unthinkable to adults. They also ask a lot of questions — a lot of questions. Many of them are rhetorical, many are unanswerable, many are silly. With a full team of wide-eyed, always-energized, growing boys, I field a wide variety of questions every practice.

What time is it? When is our next game? Have you ever hit someone in the head while you were pitching? If I chuck this ball over the fence, will you give me a dollar? Can I bring my dog to practice? Do you even have friends?

These make for a lot of laughs. I often joke in response. Other times, if it’s for their own good, I won’t give a clear answer. Occasionally, amid all the gags and silly questions, they will ask me something personal. As long as it’s appropriate, I always try to answer these questions openly and honestly. I want to be transparent with my players whenever I can. It’s important for me that they know I’m comfortable around them and that our relationship goes beyond the baseball field. I want to have a solid base of trust between us and being truthful about who I am and what I think helps lay that groundwork.

This principle applies to all aspects of our lives. Being our true self is the most important contribution we can make to the world around us. If we desire honesty from others, we must project the same truthfulness in our own communication. You are being judged regardless of what you do, so what’s the sense in trying to be someone else so that others will think differently of you? Being honest about who you are helps establish credibility and trust. Additionally, it will attract people who share the same values as you to want to be around you and work with you. There’s a reason they say honesty is the best policy.

Effort is Reciprocal

In the same way that honesty helps breed trust in a relationship, putting in the effort to better communicate with someone goes a long way in strengthening the bond between you and that person. Showing someone you care enough to take the time and effort to work with them and understand them not only helps build mutual trust, but it also encourages the other person to return the favor you are doing them by reciprocating effort.

Most of the time, when I talk to my team, I address them collectively. It’s a natural part of team sports. You communicate a message to the group and then, each individual in the group then takes that message and applies it to their craft. Ideally, it would be nice if I could always relay instruction in a group setting knowing it would be absorbed and utilized in the correct way. The reality of the matter is when you are talking to a group, especially a team of young athletes, there are times when the overall message is going to get lost and one or more individuals will need additional assistance.

When I’m running a drill with my players, I’m typically calling out instructions or shouting out general advice on the fly. In times where a certain player may be struggling to understand a particular drill, yelling out tips like a drill sergeant while other players are participating is not the best course of action for getting Player A to make the adjustments and understand the objective of the drill. In these cases, I make it a point to stop what I’m doing and talk through the activity with the player one-on-one. This could be as simple as answering a question they have to clear up confusion. It could mean physically walking them through the drill so they understand exactly what they need to do and why we are working on it. Regardless of the extent of the assistance the player needs, what is truly important in these situations is that I make a clear and visible effort to show them I want to help them succeed. This simple gesture can make a significant impact on anybody, no matter their age.

Effort that goes into a good cause is never wasted. When we show someone that we care enough to commit our time to bettering their situation, they are twice as likely to repay you with the value you have provided to them. By investing ourselves in the well being of another person, we are creating a foundation of loyalty. Taking the time to help someone can ignite the switch in that person’s mindset to increase motivation and confidence. When we become selfless, the possibilities are endless.

Final Thoughts

I learn new things from the kids on my team every day I am with them. Every season is a roller coaster and I’m grateful to have the opportunity to be their coach. Though I tell them this on occasion, I don’t think they quite understand that I learn just as much from them as I hope they learn from me.

The potential impact we have on kids when we interact with them is almost overwhelming to think about. They are like little sponges, soaking up everything that gets thrown their way. As wild and nonsensical as they can be, their unphased spirits can offer us so much perspective on how we act as adults — especially when it comes to communication. The next time you have the opportunity to engage with kids, I encourage you to pay attention to the way they talk, listen and interpret things for their own. It’s fascinating.

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Roberto Johnson

Writer. Photographer. PR person — sharing about life and travel.